Frustration leads to choices and change
spence — Fri, 07/27/2012 - 04:47
A wonderful email from a client that needed to be shared. It portrays a journey I see over and over with women and their fertility struggles. The self-reflection and beautiful changes that come with these tough times are often the silver lining that begs to be given the spotlight it truly deserves.
The bullet points are my responses.
Thank you for your email and checking in on me. You know me well ;-)
I'm honestly not really sure what I was looking for. But I felt the same way as you did. Something was missing when I left.
I'll try to bring some light on this. And - against my usual self - I also want to share some of the good things that have happened recently.
I think I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed the last 6 weeks. I worked hard on trying to let things go. It worked surprisingly well and I was rewarded with so much happiness. By working with you over the last 6 months I have gained many new skills and I've learnt so much about myself. Thank you for this!
I do not miss charting one bit. Now, the first thing I do in the morning is taking a minute to look at my husband and be grateful that I have such a wonderful man in my life.
I prepared my CV and talked to a few people about job opportunities. Nothing has come up yet, but I'm ready if it does. I also changed my outlook and expectations at work. I've accepted that I can't change the people around me but I can change how I deal with them and process the things that are happening. Just by doing that, work has become a lot more fun.
I've talked to two more girls about our journey and got rewarded with lots of support. Talking about infertility has been a great experience.
I am so so proud of you!
Now to the things that my have caused the feeling that something was not complete:
We've been going back and forth whether or not moving forward with injectables/IUI would be the right thing to do at this time. We don't want to rush into any medical treatments but we also don't want to look back in 2 years and think we should have done it sooner. Age is my big plus at this time. I also feel obligated to take advantage of my health and my age. Which probably is at its peak right now. Part of my hesitation has probably to do with the fear "what IF this doesn't work". The chances are only slightly better than if we would try naturally. But maybe this is just the little help we need. Who knows? We won't know until we try.
I think I was looking for your "approval" that we are making the right choice. But I got this feeling that you would suggest a different path/plan/timeline for us. This made me thinking again. Would you share your honest opinion with me?
You absolutely have my approval. I thought I made that clear but obviously did not. I really do my best not to push in any direction, but the choice to take the next step I think is right. You are ready for this.
I try to believe that this is just how my body works. But then I think there has to be an explanation for my very light period. As soon as you mentioned Hysteroscopy it made me thinking again. Should they do more tests? Was the HSG enough? Maybe the monitored cycle (with injectables/IUI) will give some more answers in regards to thickness and quality?
Honestly the HSG should be quite conclusive, but yes you may gain more insights about your lining during a cycle.
I guess I was kind of looking for a real plan of action for the next two months. You know like: Do this and this and this and this.
Sometimes I simply forget that I'm alreay doing it. Every day. With every meal. Every Yoga class. Every supplement. And every time I write down my thoughts. I already have the knowledge what I can do - and I do it. I just don't see it all the time. Gaining this knowledge was way simpler than trusting myself.
When you are involved with a cycle we can increase acupuncture frequency as discussed. If need be down the road we may revisit Chinese herbal medicine, but not right now. Surrender.
I always wondered what diagnosis you came up with from the Chinese medicine point of view? I would really like to know. Also, would it be different now than it was 6 months ago?
Yes I would absolutely say there are differences, improvements. Your Liver Qi stag has reduced and is causing less heat floating to your heart reducing aggitation, restlessness, PMS, stress, vivid dreaming, and chest tightness. Your Spleen is stronger as displayed by less sweet cravings, better bowel movements, and dealing better with worry and over-thinking. I do believe that there is a blockage or deficiency causing the lack of menstrual blood that we have not affected unfortunately.
These are just some thoughts that came to my mind over lunch. As usual getting it down on paper seems to really help me clear my mind. Thanks so much for reaching out to me! Regardless of how this journey will end - and it won't end for a number of years - there are no words to describe how much you have helped me. I'm sure of that.
You are so so sweet, and such a beautiful woman in so many ways. Your husband is lucky to have you as well.